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My future does not involve children

Respect the decision of those who decide not to have children.   |   Creative Commons
 

 

I am 20 years old and I do not want children. "Oh, so you want to end up a crazy old woman with 20 cats?" No, but 20 dogs will do nicely. "You feel that way now, but just wait a couple of years or maybe you will meet your dream spouse and will want kids then!" Outwardly, I can only give them a small, tight lipped smile. Internally, I roll my eyes and imagine throwing myself off a cliff. I imagine my fellow peers have felt the very same way.

A daunting reputation

I do not want kids. I can say that for a fact because I have been saying so since I was very young. I have evidence of journals I wrote back in kindergarten, 16 years ago, saying I would never want them.

Biola has a daunting reputation of being a "ring by spring" school — with baby fever a real thing on campus to a lesser degree. Growing up in a Hispanic and Latino community, I count my blessings that my mother and father have never pressed me to have children. However, extended family and friends question when I will settle down and have kids. They are not pleased when I remain firm to not have children and often look to my parents as if they had raised a heathen. Women are expected to raise large families, working some but placing priority on family life.

I have found Christian communities have also placed a great expectation on women to have children. In 1 Corinthians, Paul says each person has different gifts, yet I find opinions persisting saying a woman’s purpose is not fulfilled until she has multiple children. It is an unfair opinion that should not be placed upon anyone. Different individuals grow and mature at varying rates. Such opinions would not be told to an infertile couple.

An individual calling

The US Census Bureau compared today’s 18 to 34 year olds to 18 to 34 year olds in 1975 finding the modern study group cared more about their jobs and education than marriage and children. By the age of 30, 8 in 10 were already married back in 1975. Today, 8 in 10 are married only by the time they are 45.

I am not advocating for everyone to adopt a childless marriage or swear an oath of celibacy. I have chosen this life because it benefits me and my goals and I believe it is my calling not to have children. I believe my strengths lie in contributing to the community, not taking care of pooping, crying children.

Just as I respect the decisions of others to have children, adopt or a variation of the two, please respect the decision made by those to not have children since our decision does not affect your decision to have children.

Your Turn.  Post a Comment

  1. bella.k

    i dont want kids. never did. i never saw ahappy parent.
    just go to the mall or gymbory and you will see how much joy it is April 27, 2017

  2. annmaman

    i dont want kids because i cant deal with aspecial need kid.
    to have kid that will always will need support its anightmear.
    i know someone who has asister with down syndrom and retardation. she never had alife. always everything is about tje sick sister April 27, 2017

  3. Mike

    Having and raising children is one of God's most precious and wonderful blessings. It is also one of the best ways He reveals and refines our hearts of His children. Having children has been my greatest joy, heartache, sacrifice, reward, and challenge. As with all aspects of a believer's life, may we humbly say, "not my will, but Thine" as He always gives us what we need - even if it's not what we think we want. April 28, 2017

  4. Alyssa T.

    There's absolutely nothing wrong with living a life of singleness in order to serve your community and the world. Plenty of amazing servants of the Lord have done that including Jesus.

    You didn't mention wanting to be married, but just to clarify though, not wanting children also must mean you don't want to be married, because God's design for marriage is to raise children as well, whether biologically or through adoption of the millions of children in need of loving parents. If your reason for not having children is to serve, you don't need to be married, and if you plan to be married but not have children, then you are simply picking and choosing what part of God's design you like and throwing away the rest.

    Just something to consider in this very popular topic of conversation, in love and with grace. April 28, 2017

  5. Biola Alum

    Alyssa,

    Your comment is incredibly misinformed. Whether the author wants to be married with or without kids is none of your problem. No where in the Bible does it say that kids are needed in a marriage.

    Please educate yourself if you're ready to attack this young lady about what she believes is God's calling for her. April 28, 2017

  6. Catherine - Biola Alum

    Mike,

    You're right. And I hope through that comment you're not assuming you know God's plan for Alondra because her relationship with God is between her and God alone. Who are we to say that God wishes for her to have children. For all we know she is saying "not my will, but Thine" and He has raised Alondra from childhood to not feel the calling for children in order for her to meet the plans He has for her.

    To both Mike and Alyssa,

    It is not our business to assume God's plans for Alondra. Everyone's life and relationship with God is different. Every plan God has for His children differs. To say Alondra is living her life any less of God's design is deeply insulting to both her and Him. April 28, 2017

  7. Mike

    You inferred much from my comment. As with anything we are called as believers to submit our HEARTS to the Lord - even, if not especially in areas where our feelings are strong. The author may well feel at this point that she is not called or equipped to be a mother, but God may have a different plan. I also had a number of "absolutely nots" in my younger years, but God provided what I needed for my good and His glory and for that I am thankful. A far more Biblical approach would be to say, "I don't have this desire and I'm content with that, but I also trust in the Lord to direct my life as He wills." The initial post and some subsequent comments showed a disdain for God's design and blessing of children. Perhaps she will never desire children, but if her desires or circumstances change, I pray she will be content in that. April 28, 2017

  8. joe

    Having kids or not having kids are both valid choices in life. Some people love kids-good for them. A loving parent who teaches their kids good values and common sense is a blessing.

    However, some people are looked down on for not having kids. I personally think it's a desire for family members (especially parents) to continue the family gene pool. That's why some women nd men would rather have their own kid as opposed to adoption. Without the time and financial commitment of children, a person can work on other goals or charity work that some people with kids don't have the time to do.

    On a side note, charity work for a child-free person doesn't mean being obligated to change niece/nephew's diapers or babysit them. My wife got dragged into babysitting her sibling's kids before she met me-it was almost expected that she did this. It was not 100% voluntary. She had to justify why she did not have time to babysit those kids on her days off. May 5, 2017

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