Chivalry vs. Chauvinism
Chivalry can become a crutch
Sophomore Bryan Coy displays a common act of courtesy. | Photo Illustration by Olivia Blinn/THE CHIMES
I recognize that you are a gentleman; please recognize that even though I am a lady, I get a slight thrill from my own ability to open a door. At this most prestigious academic institution persists the interminable effort to appropriately navigate the relationship of the XY chromosome to its double-X-chromosomal counterpart. In layman’s terms, the Biola community is a place highly concerned with the reinforcement of male-female stereotypes.
Every Sunday in the Biola dorms, brother floors all across campus weave in and out of their sister floors picking up trash in exchange for freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. The cookies are baked exclusively by the women, while the trash-collecting is a burden borne only by the men … Am I the only one that sees a discrepancy here? While the exchange of service for goods is an economical practice that transcends time and place, this specific service in exchange for those specific goods serves to reinforces a time-honored stereotype of male-female prejudices that pervades Biola’s community, welcomed by both men and women with open arms.
There is an interesting meme that has been littering my Facebook wall lately that reads: “Biola University, preparing men for the church and women for the home since 1908.” Obviously this is not wholly true; women receive excellent educations here, and go on to do excellent things. It is also obvious, though, that outside parties have preconceived notions of what we do here at Biola, and there are seeds of truth in most every little rumor. Is this the reputation our student body wants to send out? There is just not enough room to shrug one’s shoulders and decide on complacency. Biola is a place teeming with strong women that are being sent into the career field to make a difference; let’s work towards a meme that upholds that reputation.
In 2011, 53.1 percent of unmarried U.S. residents who were 18 or older were women, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. The fact of the matter is that some women will live alone. You know what this means, don’t you? There are simply more single women than there are single men to go around, with this in mind, ladies should intentionally pursue self sufficiency. This includes changing the oil in their cars, being confident in their ability to lift heavy boxes, and yes, dumping their own trash. These types of skills are not being demanded of women at Biola. Worse, common thought would argue that it would be offensive to leave a woman to fend for herself!
College is a place where people are forced to grow and expectations are meant to be challenged. Biola has been an institution where the same old stereotypes are being tailored to fit a new generation. Women at Biola are blessed; they are blessed to be cherished and valued by multitudes of chivalrous men. But we must not get comfortable to the point of expectation. Despite gender, there is power in the knowledge that you can lift something heavy! So ladies, I challenge you, I implore, I beseech you, to say your “thank yous” every time a man treats you with kindness. But don’t let yourself grow limp in the comfortable warmth of chivalry. Push yourself onward and upward. Do things that thrust you out of the role you have been assigned. You probably know how to bake the perfect chocolate chip cookie, but sometimes the most key learning occurs when you pick up your own trash, plug your nose and take a trip down to the dumpster.
Your Turn. Post a Comment
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saharris
Dear Miss Pritchett,
Chivalry and feminism can exist in harmony, for both seek self-betterment as their goal. A book was published in 2010 entitled “Chivalry-Now” that promoted a modern code of male ethics.
“Upon my honor,
• I will develop my life for the greater good
• I will place character above riches, and concern for others above personal wealth
• I will never boast, but cherish humility instead
• I will speak the truth at all times, and forever keep my word
• I will defend those who cannot defend themselves
• I will honor and respect women, and refute sexism in all its guises
• I will uphold justice by being fair to all
• I will be faithful in love and loyal in friendship
• I will abhor scandals and gossip – neither partake nor delight in them
• I will be generous to the poor and to those who need help
• I will forgive when asked, that my own mistakes will be forgiven
• I will live my life with courtesy and honor from this day forward
By adhering to these Twelve Trusts, I swear to partake in the living Quest in everything I do.”
I encourage you to read the book (it’s only 220 pages – and there is a very active online forum to go along with it). Perhaps on an upcoming Sunday, you can hand a Biola gentleman a copy of “Chivalry-Now” along with his perfectly baked chocolate-chip cookie. It could be the start of something superlative for your college.
I wish you well on your Quest,
Steven (Greendale, Massachusetts) -
Christopher
Miss Pritchett,
This is a wonderful article. All too often a chivalrous gentleman can be mistaken for chauvinistic. I like how you put the task to women to be empowered.
Generally, the true practioner of chivalry is not so much concerned about how they treat women but more or less how he/she behaves in general. Chivalry is often mistaken for romanticism. Unfortunatly, the modern empowered woman can be insulted by politeness from a chivalrous man when none is intended.
It is not that the true chivalrous man does not think the woman can do it herself it is that he wishes to share the burden.
Chivalry can be practiced by both men and women and like Steven said above, feminism and chivalry (true chivalry) can exist hand in hand and actually support one another.
The article does raise a concern of stereotypes which is something that is simply part of the human social structure. Unfortunatly, women traditionally have been given a bad rep. But this has been changing and is coming to a point where women are equal to their male counterparts and in some cases are even ahead. Still the stereotype exists and women will be fighting the good fight for a while it would seem.
I applaud you for calling women out to do things themselves. This is as it should be, but also do not forget that it is an integral part of the male psyche to be "manly", to do "stuff", and to solve "issues". This also creates the male stereotype and can even be manipulated by women in order to get what they want.
In either case a stereotype is a hasty generalization and playing to it in order to get what one wants can be a little underhanded and is certainly not chivalrous.
As a follower of Chivalry-Now I also encourage anyone to look into the book or our website. It is our hope that men and women can exist as equals and respect each other as such.
Thank you for the article,
Christopher
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Lauralyn
I found this article sexist against women for two reasons.
First, chivalry is not an assertion that a woman cannot do things anymore than politeness in general is. Men at Biola do not open doors for women because they believe they cannot open the door, but because it is a polite and kind thing to do. I open doors for men because it is a polite and kind thing to do -- why in the world is it an insult to my abilities if they do the same?
Second, whether or not a woman accepts chivalrous acts is not a reflection of her character. I am deeply insulted by the notion that allowing a kind man to lift something heavy or change a car's oil makes a girl lazy, unempowered, or incapable. When my fiance is with me, you can bet I call him to kill spiders. When I lived in a dorm full of girls, who did they call to kill spiders? Me. Women who gratefully receive acts of kindness from me are not lazy or setting back the feminist movement.
Personally, this comes across as a matter of pride. If I have a heavy load to carry and I could carry it, but it would cause me great discomfort and struggle to do so -- I am not so proud as to refuse to ask a man who can do the same task with ease to help me. It isn't a threat to my intelligence, abilities or sense of feminine power to admit when a man is more capable of doing a task than I am.
Finally, the Biola community is one of the few bastions of chivalry and politeness in the world. Outside it, no, most men don't offer to carry heavy things and women don't happily bake cookies as a thank you. I think these things are beautiful, and people who want to eradicate them don't understand the beauty of them. Chivalry is not an insult, nor are favors done by women for men -- they are acts of kindness that don't happen nearly as much as they ought to.
I am a fully capable woman. I am empowered. I am not lazy. Yet I allow men who want to help me, do so. Those two things are not mutually exclusive. -
Patricia
Men of Biola- Please do not take this to reflect the majority female opinion.
I personally feel very blessed every time a guy takes the extra time and effort to open a door for me when he sees me coming down the sidewalk with my arms full of stuff (it happened twice, just today). And I count it a great favor and act of service that the men of our brother floor come to pick up our trash every Wednesday night when they could just stay in their rooms and play another round of Halo.
I don't get a thrill, slight or otherwise, from opening my own door. And I do not believe one bit that allowing men to exercise chivalry and politeness, when they are not required to, is causing me to become dependent and unempowered. I do not feel that my role has been assigned by society or by Biola's expectations and that I must struggle to overcome the stereotype.
So, please Biola males, knight it up whenever you so choose. I thank you for it. -
Liam Savage
Annah,
I read your article and the comments attached thus far and would like to say thank you for pointing out true facets of Biola's community. The men at Biola are eager to open doors and the girls are eager to bake cookies, I know that I received several dozen cookies from girls and opened more than my fair share of doors. Does that seem right to you?
You doth protest.
I see.
I recall an instance when I held the door open for a girl, upon doing so, she stopped dead in her tracks, maybe it was you! I don't know. But that's not important. She stood there and gave me an icy stare. I gave her an I-don't-have-all-day-to-stand-here-holding-this-door-staring-at-you-awkwardly stare. After a 30 second stare down, she opened the other door and walked through without a word, careful to avoid the half I had opened.
Do you know what I thought? I thought to myself, "What an empowered and capable woman, she, of all the girls at Biola, is capable of opening a door!" I stood there a while longer and imagined what marrying her would be like. A life of never having to open her door. A life of sitting on the couch watching football and letting her struggle to move in the new couch she wanted by herself. A life of making as many cookies as I want, whenever I want, because my empowered and educate business woman wife makes enough money that I can stay home and play xbox all day. I imagined a life of never having to take out the trash (filled with empty butter wrappers, egg shells and chocolate chip bags I had used to bake all the cookies I baked for nourishment) because her independence would be shattered if I did.
After thinking all these thoughts, I asked my pet shoulder monkey, Fez, "What if all women were like that, and we lived in a matriarchal society, where men were scorned for their contributions to society and rejected for their free offering of their natural God given gifts so that women would be able to feel empowered and liberated from our overbearing place in creation?" But monkeys don't speak english, so I guess I'll never know the answer.
-Liam -
Louisa
Enjoy the chivalry while you have it - as a woman who has been out of school for almost half a decade, I find it absolutely a breath of fresh air IF ever another individual (man or woman, honestly) takes a moment to hold a door for me. How often we are going along with our lives too quickly to look around at the potential needs of others.
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Jason Wheeler
Mr. Savage,
Thank you for giving me quite the laugh. -
Adam Lorona
This article really makes me sad. Has anyone ever thought that some guys actually like to be chivalrous to women? Maybe that we like to protect and take care of women because we actually love you and care?
...other than that, I can't even find words to express how sad and distraught this makes me, and that hardly ever happens to me since I'm a journalist. As a single guy, this really discourages me. -
that girl
this is lovely
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Biola girl
like someone else said, guys, please don't think that all girls at Biola think this way, I was shocked to read this article.
I greatly appreciate it when guys help me out carrying thingd, changing oil, giving me their sweatshirts, whatever. I, in exchange can do thoughtful things also to show my appreciation for my guy friends.
I think it is beautiful that here at Biola men and women can respect each other and recognize each other's strengths and weaknesses and therefore build each other up. These are not stereotypes, these are the roles God gave us.
Thank you to all the great Biola guys, and please don't believe this article! It made me angry when I read it. -
Christopher
All,
After rereading the article and many of the comments I feel as though Miss Pritchett has been a little misunderstood.
It has been the common practice of radical feminism (not true feminism) to squash men and their chivalry in an effort to achieve a jaded view of equality which is actually just a form of revenge against the masculine view of an ALMOST bygone age.
We as a people have almost been engineered to a response because of this. Men in an effort to simply be polite and respectful will perform a chivalrous action, an empowered woman sees this as an attempt at the man to either display himself to her or to show that she is beneath her. In turn the woman scoffs the man, the man not sure why he was attacked becomes jaded for only trying to be polite and respectful. This of course is just a rough scenario but it turns up in articles in magazines, blogs and the like all the time.
The author of THIS particular article is not doing this. She is attempting to attack stereotypes in order to help grow the female community of her college in order to help prepare them for the world after graduation.
She even says to "say your 'thank yous' every time a man treats you with kindness." but she also challenges her fellow women to at least do the hard stuff themselves so that when a kind man is not around then the world will not stop because of a certain task. This is not reverse chauvinism it is just good preparation.
Men also should support women who wish to be able to do things for themselves and assist if necessary. But if not necessary then simply stand aside and take no offense.
Again this article is not about squashing out Chivalry. It is about challenging stereotypes. So the author is saying that it is ok that men take out the women's trash and it is ok that women thank them with cookies. What is not ok is that it is EXPECTED that men will take out the women's trash or otherwise it does not get done. It is also not ok that it is expected that cookies should be given for the service of taking out the trash.
Each action should be an action of kindness in and of itself. In other words..cookies should be given for the sake of giving and kindness. Just as taking out the trash should be an act of courtesy and kindness with out expectation of pay.
The author I believe attempted to challenge the sort of thinking where women MUST bake and men MUST labor. She wanted to see women be able to do it themselves but to ALSO keep the courtesy towards men when they do it.
There is nothing wrong with pushing one's self out of their comfort zone in order to experience life. That is called learning and has little if anything to do with the destruction of Chivalry, indeed I would venture to say that it is actually a Chivalrous action to do such a thing. -
Warrior Wolf
I think that Chivalry is something that needs to be reciprocated in both men and women. I also am not particularly fond of seeing 'age-old" sterotypes reinforced...
I admit, i am very impressed when i see young ladies working outdoors, fixing things up, moving stuff around. being themselves and work for themselves and proud of it.
The ability and knowlege of how and when to use our independence is something highly valued in our society, HOWEVER, i think that, both men and women, should not have such icy reactions to genuine kindness or offers of help.
Ladies, not all of us men think you are weak, helpless damsels in distress! We respect you and care too. When we offer our assitance, it's not because we dont think you can do something, rather, it is because we respect you enough to believe that you are worth a little more attention and a little more time out of our day than something/someone else. Please respect our attemtps at trying to be good people too!
Chivalry is not a view point or a hobby, but a way of life.
So next time, Ladies, when a guy offers to hold open a door, PLEASE be kind in return and walk through. Say thank you. Smile. Basic manners of that sort would be nice. (and that's not an insult, but a reminder for those ladies who totally ignore those of us who do this thing now and then. I know just as many young ladies who are exceptionally polite and have wonderful manners and I am very glad of that.)
And gentlemen, the you are not automatically entitled to a woman's attentions for just existing. It doesnt work that way. Sorry. You have to prove that you're worth her time and efforts. So get up and give her a hand when she needs it. Make her feel special. And dont take her or what she does for you for granted.
Arete' and I wish you all the best on your Quests
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If you are interested in this topic or those like it, with regards to chivalry, please check out the below links to learn about the International Fellowship of Chivalry-Now. Thanks!
Chivalry-Now:
http://chivalrynow.net/intro.htm
Chivalry-Now's Forum:
http://chivalrynow.createforumhosting.com/index.php -
John Reid
Patricia, my dog could have been run over today and I still would have smiled after reading your comment.
Liam, hilarious!
Annah,
I am always encouraged to see young men and women taking on the "tough issues" of today. Chivalry v. Feminism will likely be just as novel as Calvinism v. Arminianism here at Biola. However, I would encourage you to take on my perspective. From your first statement, I recognize that you are a gentleman; please recognize that even though I am a lady, I get a slight thrill from my own ability to open a door." it may appear to many that the remaining article will bash any form of gentlemanly act. Though I understand that this is not your agenda you still deliver a message that concerns me. As was stated above there is nothing demeaning about opening a door for a girl. It does not take power from her. If you can walk to class and carry books then most guys would agree that you can open a door. That is NOT an issue here. I lived in Hart for two years and am well versed in the tradition of taking out the girls trash. I was never around for the cookies part though. Regardless, to me it takes more effort to make cookies than it does to take out the trash, no? So there is an inconsistency in your argument there.
"This includes changing the oil in their cars, being confident in their ability to lift heavy boxes, and yes, dumping their own trash. These types of skills are not being demanded of women at Biola. Worse, common thought would argue that it would be offensive to leave a woman to fend for herself!"
Ma'am, this is simply not true. First of all, whether a guy takes out your trash is not going to determine your ability to change your oil. Ask a guy at Biola to show you how to change your own oil and I'm SURE he'd jump at the bit to show you- but wait...that could be considered chivalrous ;)
Gentlemen reading this, don't be discouraged. You open the dang door for a girl or I personally will invoke some chivalrous judo on your booty! I hope you understand that most girls at Biola do not feel this way and that they DO appreciate your kind gestures. -
Patricia
John - thanks. And I hope your dog is still alive and well for many years to come. Mine got run over, and it wasn't a pretty sight (clarification: he survived it and lived to wag his tail another day).
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John Reid
Patricia, I had a dog get hit by a car and lose a leg back in the day. We called him tripod after that. He eventually hobbled away. Sigh...I'm glad your dog is will wagging :)
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Liam Savage
I don't have a dog. Fez, my pet shoulder monkey ran out into the middle of the road one time, but there were no cars. I told him to come back, but monkeys don't speak English, so he just stared at me. He still has all his limbs, and I still call him Fez.
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Daniel
Agree or disagree with Miss Pritchett as you will, but either way, we must acknowledge that she has touched a nerve, given the number of responses here and the emphatic nature of those responses. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what good journalism is all about.
Perhaps it is high time that the Biola community takes a hard look at gender roles, stereotypes, and empowerment. Thank you Annah, for starting a hundred conversations on this topic around campus. And hopefully you will continue to prod and challenge us out of our comfort zones, and into conversations like this one that promote mutual understanding among disagreeing parties. -
Ali
Dear Annah,
As both a strong Christian and staunch feminist, reading this article was refreshing, insightful and encouraging. It's wonderful to see other young women my age question the stereotypes and gender roles perpetuated by much of conservative Christian culture, and eloquently explaining the difference between chivalry and sexism. Although they may not recognize it, those who encourage gender-specific roles undermine the empowerment of women and unwittingly perpetuate the belief that women are specifically suited for certain tasks (or "the roles God gave us", as one reader put it) . A man who recognizes that I am fully capable of opening my own doors, taking out my own trash, taking care of my car, as well as making delicious cookies, but is willing to help in all respects, not out of hopes in gaining something in return, but because they cherish me as an individual and child of God, not just as a woman, is one who will catch my eye. Thank you again Annah, for being such a wonderful woman of God, a fantastic writer, and someone who is not afraid to question the norm, especially when it's a prickly and controversial topic such as this.
your friend, Ali -
JanetJ
Liam is a funny writer. He is clearly smart and well spoken. I wonder, then, how it is that he missed the entire point of your article, Annah. I understood this article to be a simple call to Christian women to exercise their strength and independence, not a put- down to polite young men.This article asked hard questions and got us all to look at the ways we go along in our culture without thinking through possible ramifications. I appreciate how it made me stop and think.
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Liam Savage
Hi Janet, Thank you for the compliment. Your criticism however is ill placed, I would like to assume that I have the ability to read and comprehend at this point in my life. The point of Annah's article aside, it has clearly been received as a put down to chivalry. In the layer's of communication, there is what is meant, what is said, what is heard and what is understood. So, I guarantee you, the guys who are looking to impress young ladies at Biola through their polite chivalry will hear this article as a put down, while all the bitter single girls will hear this as a "ra-ra women power" or whatever.
Regardless of all that, my previous comment, (the first one, not the one solely about my pet shoulder monkey Fez) was more to point out the absurdity of the argument as a whole. Men need women and women need men. God created us to be different and complementary. If you look at the strongest man on earth and the strongest woman, the man can lift more. If you try to have a baby birthing competition between a man and a woman, the woman is going to win every time.
In the grand scheme of life, in the eternity view of life, as in you're going to be dead in about sixty years and spending eternity in heaven with God view of life, I would much rather not spend my time condescendingly saying 'thank you' to the ignorant males. I'd rather not angrily stew over being under appreciated, or being seen as sexist or surrounded by sexists. Life is too short.
You live in one of the most pleasant climates in the world. You are in the top 1% of the world as far as wealth is concerned. You have clean clothes, a clean bed, a relatively clean bathroom. A full buffet of food prepared for you every day, available all day long. You have family and friends that love you. You are not being persecuted for your religion. You have a full time police force protecting you. You are being educated at one of the world's premier bible institutes by some of the greatest scholars in their respective fields of study. And on top of all that Christ died for your sins. And what do you do?
You bicker and moan about boys being gentleman and whether or not it might damage your independence.
I said it with humor the first time. Now I'll say it bluntly.
Grow up. -
danbarlinmar
the above is quite possibly the greatest thing i have ever ready.
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danbarlinmar
*read
lets see an article about how rude iPhones are when they incorrectly assume that you didn't really mean to say what you said.
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David Shelton
It strikes me that the author of this article has displayed a greater degree of cleverness than we have given her credit for. Faced with the spatial limitations of a newspaper article, she has neatly woven in a practical concern with a philosophical complaint. Many of us have rushed to assess the philosophical complaint, a few stopped to deal with the practical concern, and nearly all have ended by arguing which was the real point.
A due respect for Ms. Pritchett's dexterity requires that both be taken into consideration at once. Someone remarked above that the article seemed to have struck a nerve. I do not know whether that nerve belonged to men who like cookies, or women who do not like trash. I find either sentiment eminently pardonable, and I hope they will pardon me the greater offense of poor prose.
The article's first assertion is clear enough: Biola is a place that actively perpetuates gender stereotypes. The example given introduces the practical concern: women at Biola will be rendered ill-equipped to live in the real world.
It has been protested that there is nothing wrong with women giving men something edible in thanks for the performance of an unpleasant duty. "Thou shalt not muzzle the ox as it treadeth out the grain" etc. (I hope the men will forgive Moses his choice of metaphors) And there is the oft-repeated 'it shows respect for women, not a belief in their weakness.'
To all this Ms. Pritchett might reply: "If you do not think women are weak, yet you are making them so." The charge is unanswerable for the simple reason that there is no data with which to answer it. Between the few of us we might come up with mounds of anecdotal evidence which we might hurl at each other with all the effectiveness of toddlers in a park full of mashed potatoes (a childhood fantasy of mine).
Stalemate on the practical concern leaves to us the philosophical complaint: a purported general complaisance in the gender stereotype that, as the cited meme (two words I never thought to see in conjunction) put it, "men are for the ministry and women are for the home." I find this complaint hard to credit for the simple reason that we are, as the article concedes, at an institution of higher learning where the bulk of the attendees are women, and the bulk of them are going into a career. The institutional metrics simply do not leave much oxygen for the idea that women are for the home. I do not doubt that the author has other anecdotal evidence to back her argument, and that I find regrettable. However, it does not match my own experience, nor the way in which this university operates.
I began this (by now interminable) comment by asking the pardon of the populace. I hope Ms. Pritchett will likewise pardon any mistakes in my hapless attempt to make sense of her article and the substantive debate it engendered. Pax vobiscum. -
Suzy Klotzle
Annah, thanks for your thoughts...very interesting
Liam, thank you or your response... I forgot how much I like talking to you =)
Let's hear it for proper priorities, The beauty of God-given strengths and serving each other in whatever capacity we can or want to!
HERE HERE!! -
Dan Martensen
Liam...
eggshells can be added to compost as long as you crush them a little bit... don't just throw them away!
-Dan -
Jessica Kremer
Hi all...
In reference to Annah's article: Women who happily accept having the door opened by a kind gentleman don't strike me as unable to survive themselves, or unwilling to tend to their own needs when others are not around. That part of her argument did not seem so relevant to me, because I'm skeptical that having help with certain tasks takes away one's ability to do them himself.
HOWEVER...pointing out that not all women at Biola will get married, and calling women to think outside of the grid of gender roles is very valuable. Pushing people to become stronger, more able individuals is great, for any human, male or female.
By the way...in my time at Biola, the boys on HEAT in Hart baked muffins for each other and surrounding floors. And, they are also a floor that (at the time, at least) routinely picked up their sister floor's trash! What a progressive group of gentlemen, both picking up the trash AND baking for their friends. I guess at Biola, I didn't experience the gender segregation Annah sees, although to some I am sure it exists.
That's my 2 cents. Thank you Annah, for your thoughts!
PS. Liam, the things you have written are funny, but they are condescending. Your ideas may be better received (although less funny) if you took a different approach.
Also, Annah never said its bad for guys to open the door, or show other acts of kindness to women. She was actually very gracious toward men, and encouraged women to thank them...yet not to become dependent. I believe you read a lot into her article that she didn't write or intend, perhaps because you've had a few rude interactions with feminists. Don't assume she's the same. -
Adam Lorona
Liam,
You're amazing! We'll put! -
Liam Savage
David, you eloquence is astounding. I would pay you handsomely to teach Fez English.
Dan, while I'm sure what you said has significant meaning, I have no idea what it is. Thank you.
Jessica, I found her article condescending. Her choice to including the word "chauvinism" in the title, might give a clue to the interpretations so many have had to her piece. The encouraging women to say thank you part, was actually the most condescending. "She was actually very gracious to men," you say, but in extending grace, you are condescending. You extend grace from a place of superiority. God extends grace because we deserve damnation. Girls extend grace by saying "thank you" to boys who are too ignorant to understand feminine independence?
That is how her article comes across, not just to me, but to many of the other commenters. If I opened a door for a girl and she said "thank you" by means of humoring my chauvinism? It hardly has the same meaning as a "thank you" born out of genuine gratitude for my act of service. You see the difference, I'm sure. -
Joseph DeClercq
My mom used to beat me to any door we came across just to stand there and wait for me to open it for her. I believe my wonderful mother trained me well. I not only open the door for young women, adult women, old women, but men as well because doing things for others the way you'd like them to be done to you is just polite, not chauvinistic.
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Andrew Oxenham
Ms. Pritchett,
A few quick thoughts below (jotted down as I read).
You mentioned that "the Biola community is a place highly concerned with the reinforcement of male-female stereotypes." Is this even true? In what way are people "highly concerned?" Do they go out of their way to enforce stereotypes purposefully? This feels like a statement a set-up. Would you have us believe that there are people sitting in their dorm rooms cackling to themselves as they plot the best way to keep women in subjectivity?
You note "this specific service in exchange for those specific goods serves to reinforces a time-honored stereotype of male-female prejudices" Is it true that the exchange of goods for services is prejudice-reinforcing? Aren't you leaping from stereotype-to-prejudice, assuming that one is equal to the other without establishing that such is the case?
"with this in mind, ladies should intentionally pursue self sufficiency." As if these roles you pointed out earlier (baking) negates any type of self sufficiency. My fellow commenters do a fine job of noting how chivalry and self-sufficiency can co-exist.
I like that you're thinking, Ms. Pritchett, I really do. But I challenge you to write articles in a more thoughtful way, carefully analyzing what a well-reasoned person on the other side would say. Doing so would leave you less vulnerable to attack and would make your thought (and semi-argument) looking less like you set up a straw man in order to make your point look better. -
Jessica Kremer
Liam, again I believe you are making assumptions about the intentions of the author and myself now that are not there.
For example, why do you presume that I extend grace "from a place of superiority?"
Why do you make that assumption? On what basis? That's what puzzles me, and your assertion is something I absolutely disagree with, and find a bit offensive, none-the-less false.
No one likes to be mis-read to that extent, if at all.
That's all I'm going to address for now. -
Josh Hulling
All this talk about gender roles and feminism and all that mumbo jumbo is making me hungry.. I could REALLY go for some cookies right now.. *hint hint*
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Liam Savage
Thank you Jessica,
I admit my point was poorly explained. Allow me to clarify what I meant when I said, "position of superiority."
In order to extend grace, one must be in a position from which grace can be extended. You extend grace for a wrong that you are recipient of. Grace is extended in place of something else,(i.e. punishment, reprimand, offense, angryface mean hearted thoughts etc.). Someone does not give grace for a gift, a gift does not call for grace, it is completely irrelevant to the transaction.
In Chivalry there is no foul for which grace would be necessary. Opening a door for a girl requires no grace on the girl's part to pardon the gentleman.
"Say your 'Thank You's'" comes across as if girls are humoring the door opening boys, saying 'thank you' despite the offense. That is the grace you say she treats boys with, if that's grace, I do not want it.
You say you strongly disagree to the above and find it false and offensive. I fail to see anything false or offensive about it, other than the offense it causes males who are honestly seeking to show kindness and good will towards women, as Joseph so graciously pointed out, was taught to us by our own mothers.
You say I "read a lot into her article that she didn't write or intend," but considering the number of responses from men and women alike who disagree with Annah, I would say if her point is so different from what everyone has interpreted it to be, she would do well to heed Mr. Oxenham's well stated advice above.
-Liam -
John Kruckenberg
If opening doors for women or taking out their trash has become offensive, then I fear for what society is becoming. I don't hold open the door for a woman because I have some deep-seated desire to show superiority, and I don't take out their trash because I think they're weak. I do it because I possess this thing called kindness and desire to serve when I can. And besides all of that, I hold doors open for anyone regardless of gender, and I'd take out the trash for anyone, including big strong bodybuilders.
Your arguments clearly ignore any other possible explanation for these actions other than the explanations you give them. I'd encourage you to examine your biases and the opposing views to establish a better argument than basically "men hold open doors for women and take out their trash, therefore men must wish to subjugate women." That's how your entire article came off to me. Very whiny and with poor support for your arguments. -
Leanne Bergey
First of all, every single person is reading into this article from their personal biases coming to conclusions that the author was not trying to convey. With that said, I will say right now that of course, I have my own bias. If you think you do not have one, quite frankly, you are a fool.
Secondly, I think that Ms. Pritchett's point of the article comes down to the following lines:
"Women at Biola are blessed; they are blessed to be cherished and valued by multitudes of chivalrous men. But we must not get comfortable to the point of expectation."
She describes us women of Biola as BLESSED by our men. How on earth would she give that description if she herself thought that chivalry was bad? She also states that the women of Biola should not make this their EXPECTATION of all men. That statement is not about the empowerment of women nor is it about bashing on men. It is simply a warning to the women of Biola who EXPECT men to ALWAYS be chivalrous. If we, as women, start to expect things to be done for us (like opening a door, taking out the trash, or changing our oil), we will never learn how to do it ourselves.
It is true that there are things that men can do better than women. Does that fact, however true, give women the excuse not to learn how to do those things? Of course not! The opposite is also true. Just because women are "better" at some things than men, doesn't give men the right to not know how to do them.
As stated in some of the comments above, God created men and women to work together and compliment each other. Christian men are AWESOME about being gentlemen by holding the doors, carrying books, and taking out the trash. But we, as the women of Biola, are someday going to be out of this place working in an environment that is not full of awesome Christian men. At that point, I need to remember that I am capable of taking out my own trash and holding my own door.
As Ms. Pritchett said, the men here are a BLESSING.
We appreciate all that these men of God do.
But we need to not expect that from life outside of Biola, or even here on campus. If we were to expect that a man will always open a door, the concept of chivalry wouldn't exist anymore. It would not be an act of valor to open a door if the women expected it from you.
Essentially, Ms. Pritchett is getting womenkind to remember the blessings we have been given, not take it for granted, and learn how to fend for oneself when there is not a chivalrous man around. So men, instead of commenting how much this article makes you sad and is discouraging, remember that she specifically calls YOU a blessing. However, if I were her, I would take it back from those of you being disrespectful of her making you all look good.
Thank you, Ms. Pritchett, for writing an article to make us all think critically about the way we view our community here at Biola. Keep up the good work! -
Jessica Kremer
LEANNE...thank you for writing what you just did. Your words are so alligned with how I read the article. And I just don't understand why many people have read it as an attack against chivalry!
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Jessica Kremer
Liam...
I never said "give grace" in the sense you are speaking of. I used the term "gracious," which generally (and in this specific situation) carries a different meaning than what you describe.
You write:
Someone does not give grace for a gift, a gift does not call for grace, it is completely irrelevant to the transaction.
And I say, true...however, the act of GIVING a gift is quite gracious, wouldn't you say? It is GRACIOUS for men to open the door for women, to go out of their way for someone else.
So when I said she was "actually very gracious" toward men, I did not mean it in the sense of "she's being nice even though she shouldn't need to, since she's superior because she's female." I meant it in the CONTEXT of everyone saying she is anti-chivalry, anti-men, yada yada. Because I don't see her as anti-chivalry and anti-door-opening...Graciousness is to be courteous, kind, and pleasant...and that's how I meant it. NOT a status/superiority statement.
I'm so surprised at how you read me...it seems like you assume I'm anti-chivalry too, and that I hate it when men open the door for me. Maybe I'm wrong, but the words you have directed toward me seem that way.
However, that's not true, and I haven't really said anything to indicate either way.
By the way, I love having the door opened for me. I say thank you, and not because I'm humoring people. But I also love opening the door for other people, male or female.
At work, I love it that the guys do the heavy lifting and I get to sit and keep doing tasks in the office. I appreciate it so much! I can barely do 14 knee push-ups. I tried today. =)
I digress. But I wanted to get my heart out there on this. its been very frustrating reading the things you've said, because they don't seem relevant to this argument. They seem relevant to many other arguments, but not this one. And I am aware that you disagree, and you have cited the support and comments of others to validate you on this. But there are also many voices that have written here that disagree with your words as well...
And again, your words have been so condescending, it made me feel kind of sick last night when I checked in. You were always so kind when I saw you on campus, but you are not generous or kind with your words on this article. You seem to be here to get a laugh and to make your point ...but you don't do it in a way that encourages kind conversation that results in open thought. Your words toward me have made me feel like I had to defend myself rather than inviting me into a dialogue as fellows.
I have tasted disagreement that was navigated with gentleness and generosity. With graciousness.
I hope you will try to portray your ideas in a way that even those who disagree with you most would feel safe and loved while talking with you. That is my point for you, and I hope I have communicated in the way that I hope you will with myself and others. -
Liam Savage
I apologize to everyone if my comments were ungracious, condescending, unloving, offensive or inhibiting open dialogue. It was not my intent to be abrasive.
As it stands, Christopher, Saharris, Lauralyn, Patricia, Louisa, Adam, Biola Girl, John Reid, Suzy, Joseph, Andrew, John Kruckenberg and myself have all understood this article to be a put down to chivalry in some way, and that the chivalry we see at Biola is somehow inhibiting independence and self-sufficiency.
Jessica, Leanne, Janet, Ali and Christopher, you have all seen it as a praise of chivalry and an encouragement to not allow it to become something girls become dependent on.
While the two are similar, the first is distinctly negative and the second is distinctly positive.
If this were a game of, "Interpret That Article!" The score would be Negative Interpretation: 13 to Positive Interpretation: 5.
I think that both sides must exist in the article, otherwise there would not be so many compelling arguments on both sides. As Leanne pointed out, we all approach it with our own personal biases for that, I am no fool and acknowledge that. In light of that, I would like to end my reign of terror on this comment thread with these notes.
I believe that those who reacted negatively to Annah's article, including myself:
-Felt injustice at the idea that girls might not appreciate chivalry and acts of love that men so often shown at Biola.
-That the assertion that Biola is a place that fosters gender stereotyping and subjugation of women.
-And that accepting chivalry inhibits a woman's ability to be independent.
These elements of Annah's article are what brought about negative reactions.
Those who reacted positively appreciated that women are reminded and encouraged to not grow complacent in light of the blessing of Biola's chivalry, which as Leanne and Christopher pointed out is the main point of her article.
I again apologize to Annah, Jessica, Leanne and anyone else who was offended at my comments. Please do see however that the points the 13 of us disagreed with are not completely unfounded and that our opinions as thinking, reasoning people are not completely obsolete.
Thanks for the article Annah, and the great discussion everyone!
-Liam
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Jessica Kremer
Liam, thank you for your kind response.
Also, thank you for pointing out your ideas. I agree that chivalry does NOT affect a woman's ability to function independently...even to the point of addressing that in my first comment! With you there.
I might add one thought. It is true that the majority of those who lifted the finger to respond are somewhat against the ideas Annah wrote. However, majority does not always indicate truth. I remember in logic class learning that "appeal to majority" is a logical fallacy. So while I see that there is an active majority in this conversation, and I certainly recognize that it is very worth considering the represented opinions, majority itself is not a truth indicator.
One other thing! It occurred to me that Annah may not have titled the article herself. Having written for the Chimes many times in the past (cooking column...yum), I remember Chimes editors actually creating headlines for my writing without my awareness. Usually they were in-line with what I wrote, but sometimes they weren't at all! I have no idea if this was the case with Annah's piece. If I were to title her article, the word "chauvinism" would not have appeared at all.
Thanks again! -
Reid Bode
Hey other dudes. Calm down.
Honestly, what's so important about chivalry that's getting you so defensive? Is it essential for relating to the other sex? Is opening doors really such an essential tool in a man's romantic arsenal?
What I think: let's just try to be kind and courteous to everyone, and not care what their gender is.
And if that doesn't cover the purpose being chivalrous, I think chivalry might actually be self-serving.
If you're being "chivalrous" just to make yourself look good, that seems closer to chauvinism to me.
So don't assume how you should treat and interact with a woman simply from her gender. Get to know who she is as a person, and from that learn how you can support and compliment her, based on her uniqueness.
If you want to impress her, focus on growing your character and not on a set of expected behaviors. -
susi jensen
that was some d*** great writing, Ms. Pritchett. I'm more excited to find a woman or man at a college who can make a point and write it in an entertaining way. Who cares about the cookies and trash...you're at school to educate and be educated. Enjoy the process and keep writing!